Nov 04 2009
The Most Important Relationship: Self or God
When I was a teenager I had the most blissful summers at Camp Mystic in Hunt, Texas. The 5 weeks there was filled with activities, fun and friends.
In the rec hall there were signs with pithy sayings burned into plaques on the walls. One sign said, “God is first, my neighbor second and I am third.”
I used to totally agree with that saying. I don’t anymore.
I go back and forth about who is first and who is second. I do know, however, that my neighbor is a close third.
Personally, the way I live my life is built around my spirituality. Although I used to be what is called “a religious,” as in the convent, I’m not “religious” at all anymore. I’m not in the convent and I rarely attend a church.
As important as my spirituality is to me, my beliefs have significant differences from the Christianity in which I was raised.
The result is that I go back and forth about which relationship is most important-that with myself or that with my God, who I call Amma, the feminine aspect of God.
When I’m not feeling good about myself, I often avoid connecting with God. Then again, one of the important ways I begin to feel better about myself, is when I finally do connect with Amma and what she has taught me.
When we don’t feel good about ourselves, we human beings have a tendency to avoid someone loving. It’s almost as if the energy of love hurts when we are in the energy of self-loathing. If you’ve ever put your very cold hand in warm water, you’re aware of the needle like pain that occurs. The sensation can be similar to that experience.
When I worked with 12-Step programs, my job was to assist in guiding people to the spiritual. In my experience, people got better faster when they were able to connect with the spiritual.
In my psychotherapy practice, I set the intention years ago to only work with people on a spiritual journey. It didn’t matter what form their spirituality took, as long as it was of the light. Clients healed faster when they had a spiritual connection. They healed faster when they took time out of their daily lives for even a few moments of prayer or meditation.
I have several healing prayers I introduce to my clients. Those that use them get better faster. I used to say “I lose more clients with this prayer. When they use it, they get well.” It’s still true.
Over the years, many of my clients have been terribly wounded in the name of God. From horrible physical abuse because God said “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” to sexual abuse because “The Bible says I’m the head of the family and you must submit yourself to me.”
Believe me when I say, you don’t talk about a loving God to someone who has been abused in the name of God.
Back to the question of which relationship is more important, God or self?
They are both critically important. Where you begin with someone depends upon their beliefs about God.
Someone who had been abused in the name of God rarely wants anything to do with God. You have to begin with the importance of the self.
Someone who already has a relationship with God is usually open to various prayers and discussions about God and self.
When we have a loving and supportive relationship with ourselves, we treat others in the same way.
Until next time …
Cathy Chapman, PhD
