Aug 03 2009
As You Change, So Do Your Relationships
Relationship is your whole life. You are always in relationship. Your first relationship was with your mom (or your birthmother if you weren’t raised by her), then those who were in your family. Friends are introduced either in daycare, the neighborhood or school. For many people, their relationship with God, Spirit, Higher Power begins as a child. For others, their spiritual relationship begins as an adult.
In short, your primary relationships are with yourself, others and God.
Every day you grow. Every day you change. Each event in your life has an impact upon you. You choose to change or stay the way you are.
When you move to a different place, everyone around you has to respond. They either accept your shift or push against it.
When your shift is major, those around you have major adjustments to make.
If you’re the one a personal growth journey, including spiritual expansion, you change rapidly. Usually, the people close to you are not on the same journey. They’re used to relating to a particular person when, suddenly, someone different is in a familiar body.
Your family and friends become confused. Depending upon how close they are to you emotionally, they become afraid. Where is the one they loved? S/he’s different, not the same.
Although all personal growth can result in dramatic reactions from others, I want to talk about the results of spiritual change on relationships.
Spiritual changes can take you to realms unknown to those around you. When you talk about your experiences, people may think something is seriously wrong with you. At times, your loved ones may believe you have ventured down the path of evil.
Spirituality is experiential. If someone hasn’t experienced it, they have little conception of what you are talking about. Those close to you will feel left out. Depending upon their emotional development, their reactions will range from anger to confusion to acceptance.
What can you do during this time of change that affects everyone around you?
First, Hold on. The initial stages of spiritual growth are often tumultuous, especially if you were raised in a “traditional” religion. You are changing long held beliefs. Trying on these new beliefs and perspectives can be disconcerting.
Second, remember that your family has no idea what is going on inside of you. They don’t see your struggle, your excitement or your fears. You have to be patient with them. Don’t take their confusion, fear or anger personally. That is about them not you.
Third, have someone to talk to, to share your experiences, to help you stay in balance. Since people can’t see your thoughts and feelings, they don’t know you may be confused and frightened with your rapid growth and change. A spiritual guide or a support group of like minded individuals can help greatly.
Fourth, accept that your relationships will change. Some people, including those you love dearly, will move from the center of your life to the periphery … perhaps even out of it. Others will continue to love you even if they don’t understand you.
I don’t remember where I learned one of my favorite sayings. Take it to heart:
What someone says and does is about them. What you say and do is about you.
Your reactions, your feelings are your gage to how well you are doing. Pay attention to your inner world. It is your growth point.
