Jul 06 2009
Be Yourself No Matter What Others Say
Last post talks about freedom from what others say about you. You and I both know that is not easy to do.
First, you don’t live in a vacuum. Life is a continual reaction to what others say and do. Your boss, a stranger, or a loved one asks you to do something. You are going to respond in some way.
With your boss, you are “caught” in the “bonds” of needing to do what s/he wants or not having a job. You may choose to gage your words with family because you want to keep the peace.
With a stranger on the corner asking for money, there is no “external” force saying you have to give money to someone. You might feel guilty that you have more than someone else, or were trained to give to the poor, and, therefore, feel obligated to give. On the other side, you might be totally against handouts to people who don’t work.
Everywhere people are telling you what you should or should not do, think or buy.
The issue is, how are you affected by others expectations of you? What do you think and feel when someone criticizes your words or actions?
Personal growth has a great deal to do with being your own person. This means you don’t let someone else’s words and expectations govern how you think or feel.
If you have a need “to be liked” by everyone, you have set yourself up for big trouble. You absolutely can’t please everyone at the same time. There are those you can’t ever please.
The key to managing everyone else’s expectations, and your reactions to them, is to fully realize the following:
What others think, say and do is about them. What you think, say and do is about you.
When someone expresses displeasure about something you’ve said or done, know their displeasure has to do with them. Someone else may like the very same thing someone else objects to.
You will lose yourself if you try to be all things to all people. To disengage from being dependent upon what others think of you, repeat to yourself, “What others think of me is about them, not about me.” Use that statement as a mantra.
When you begin to adjust your thoughts, words and actions because you want the other person to approve of you, ask yourself, “What do I really want to do or say?” Follow what you truly feel motivated to do.
Yes, we do need to take other people into account. We don’t, however, need to change who we are just to get someone else’s approval. If we do that, we lose ourselves and we will never be able to please the other person all the time.
